when she was born, you initiated yourself into the secret sisterhood of the big sister, and promised that you would do everything in your power to make sure that would have everything she can ever want. you swore to protect her. and you promised move heaven and earth to make and keep her happy.
and you've been doing a pretty good job until now, when she has started to discover who she is and is starting to step out from under the mantle and safety of the big sisterhood. when she is discovering what she wants. when she is making her own decisions. when she is finding out what makes her happy. and when she is discovering that making and keeping her happy is no longer your job, but her own.
you never denied her anything from the moment she was born. and you cannot deny her THIS now, now that THIS makes her happy. now that THIS is what she needs at this point in her life. now that THIS is one of the most important things she has.
now is not the time to begin denying her anything, especially when you know how imporant THIS is to her. you swore by the big sister code, and turning away from it is not and will never be an option.
time to step up, big sister.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
the re-return
june 22, 2008
12:04 am
chweet chweet. chweet chweet. text message:
i'm okay to be friends if you're okay to be friends.
holy camote que.
if there ever was a moment to say "be still, my heart"
this would be it.
12:04 am
chweet chweet. chweet chweet. text message:
i'm okay to be friends if you're okay to be friends.
holy camote que.
if there ever was a moment to say "be still, my heart"
this would be it.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
farewell to my pot-bellied finny friend
the goldfish at home are family members, they have the same overweight look as the rest of the human family members. they never say no when food is offered to them, which convinced me that we are really related.
one of the goldfish died last friday.
their tank was being cleaned, and when he was being moved from the tank to a timba where his brothers were temporarily parked, he leapt from the cleaner's hand and went SPLAT! onto the cold marble floor. he was hurriedly put back in the tank where he did a few halfhearted wiggles before moving on to the great aquarium in the sky.
he would've turned 3 years old on the day i turn 33.
goodbye, fishie. feeding you and your brothers before i leave for work is always a high point of my mornings, and you always manage to take away my sungit by swimming up to me like crazy when you see me approach with your fish food.
your brothers will miss you too. my mornings will never be the same without you.
one of the goldfish died last friday.
their tank was being cleaned, and when he was being moved from the tank to a timba where his brothers were temporarily parked, he leapt from the cleaner's hand and went SPLAT! onto the cold marble floor. he was hurriedly put back in the tank where he did a few halfhearted wiggles before moving on to the great aquarium in the sky.
he would've turned 3 years old on the day i turn 33.
goodbye, fishie. feeding you and your brothers before i leave for work is always a high point of my mornings, and you always manage to take away my sungit by swimming up to me like crazy when you see me approach with your fish food.
your brothers will miss you too. my mornings will never be the same without you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
disappearing act
ñ has disappeared.
and my own safely guarded disappearance has been blown, due to an inconspicuous run-in at work.
now i am no longer flying under the radar.
the old circle has found me, the circle i have worked so hard to disappear from since i dropped my basket.
and apparently ñ's disappearing act has been more successful than mine -- resigned from his job, left his flat, changed numbers, no replies to phone calls and emails, and seems to have been wiped off the face of the earth.
around the same time i dropped my basket.
it has been three years.
there must be a reason why this is all coming up after three years. party's definitely over.
and my own safely guarded disappearance has been blown, due to an inconspicuous run-in at work.
now i am no longer flying under the radar.
the old circle has found me, the circle i have worked so hard to disappear from since i dropped my basket.
and apparently ñ's disappearing act has been more successful than mine -- resigned from his job, left his flat, changed numbers, no replies to phone calls and emails, and seems to have been wiped off the face of the earth.
around the same time i dropped my basket.
it has been three years.
there must be a reason why this is all coming up after three years. party's definitely over.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
02/14/2008
first flowerless valentine's day in 16 years.
ika nga ni tuds, "hindi ka nalulungkot?"
leche.
ika nga ni tuds, "hindi ka nalulungkot?"
leche.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
true love
eating crabs is a metaphor for life. it is beautifully served on a plate in front of you, arranged beautifully on a bed of greens and swimming in oils and sauces. steam wafts up, carrying with it the scent of unearthly spices that drive your tastebuds into a frenzy. the anticipation of digging into this feast is almost too much to bear. but there is the challenge of getting the meat out of the shell.
shelling a crab is no easy feat. one must painstakingly dirty one's hands, as there is no other way to get the meat out. one uses all tools available -- the nutcracker, the long pointy forky-looking thing, one's fingers, one's teeth -- to get all the meat out. once in a while, one stubs one's fingers on the sipit's sharp points, but that is okay because there is still meat in the crevices.
the result is worth it -- a pile of slightly steamy, succulent, sweet crab meat that one will mix with the bagoong rice drenched in szechuan sauce, and which one will deliver to one's mouth with silent and almost reverent ecstacy, which will cause one to swoon over the sheer delight of it all.
bliss.
that is life.
and true love? it is seeing my dad, who loves eating crabs almost as much as he loves his kids, shell the biggest, fattest sipit, collect the fat from the crab's middle, and put it all on my mom's plate.
that is true love in this life -- getting the best parts of the crab and giving it to the one you love best.
happy birthday poppy. you're the best.
shelling a crab is no easy feat. one must painstakingly dirty one's hands, as there is no other way to get the meat out. one uses all tools available -- the nutcracker, the long pointy forky-looking thing, one's fingers, one's teeth -- to get all the meat out. once in a while, one stubs one's fingers on the sipit's sharp points, but that is okay because there is still meat in the crevices.
the result is worth it -- a pile of slightly steamy, succulent, sweet crab meat that one will mix with the bagoong rice drenched in szechuan sauce, and which one will deliver to one's mouth with silent and almost reverent ecstacy, which will cause one to swoon over the sheer delight of it all.
bliss.
that is life.
and true love? it is seeing my dad, who loves eating crabs almost as much as he loves his kids, shell the biggest, fattest sipit, collect the fat from the crab's middle, and put it all on my mom's plate.
that is true love in this life -- getting the best parts of the crab and giving it to the one you love best.
happy birthday poppy. you're the best.
Monday, September 17, 2007
sleeping with the Lord
new priest at last Sunday's mass. might not be all that acquainted with chapel's sound system, which is so sensitive it can pick up an ant's hiccup. various lessons from various parables pounded into our eardrums. could actually feel the pew vibrating with the strength of the priest's bass voice. it was LOUD.
overheard this whispered conversation during the homily.
ninin : ang lakas ng boses ng pari.
poppy : oo nga e. hindi tuloy ako makatulog.
overheard this whispered conversation during the homily.
ninin : ang lakas ng boses ng pari.
poppy : oo nga e. hindi tuloy ako makatulog.
Friday, September 07, 2007
26 sugar high years
her first word was "okay."
and she said it to me when we were standing on the hairy rattan-woven welcome mat pretending we were astronauts on the way to outer space.
***********
she is the didi to my zsazsa, or the zsazsa to my didi -- depending on whose villain needs to be bitch-slapped.
she is the loony pill to my loony bin.
she is the ernie to my bert.
she is the nuts in my chocobanana shake.
she is the green, the red, and the white on my pizza.
she is the patis and kalamansi on my inihaw na tilapia.
she is the maggi savor to my plain white rice.
she is the durian to my suha.
she is the funny hats to my kadayawan.
she is the glass of lukewarm water to my cafe juanita buffet lunch.
she is the tongue-piercing to my bellybutton tattoo.
she is the pilates dvd to my home tv shopping.
she is the flower power sando to my yemen shirt.
she is the lost phone to my bayo sale.
she is the palaisdaan to my every mindoro vacation.
she is the sugar high to my sungit.
she is my missing piece.
she is my missing peace.
happy birthday, baby sister
and she said it to me when we were standing on the hairy rattan-woven welcome mat pretending we were astronauts on the way to outer space.
***********
she is the didi to my zsazsa, or the zsazsa to my didi -- depending on whose villain needs to be bitch-slapped.
she is the loony pill to my loony bin.
she is the ernie to my bert.
she is the nuts in my chocobanana shake.
she is the green, the red, and the white on my pizza.
she is the patis and kalamansi on my inihaw na tilapia.
she is the maggi savor to my plain white rice.
she is the durian to my suha.
she is the funny hats to my kadayawan.
she is the glass of lukewarm water to my cafe juanita buffet lunch.
she is the tongue-piercing to my bellybutton tattoo.
she is the pilates dvd to my home tv shopping.
she is the flower power sando to my yemen shirt.
she is the lost phone to my bayo sale.
she is the palaisdaan to my every mindoro vacation.
she is the sugar high to my sungit.
she is my missing piece.
she is my missing peace.
happy birthday, baby sister
Sunday, September 02, 2007
dashboard confessional
m : i thought i was going to end up marrying you.
M (without missing a beat) : me too.
M (without missing a beat) : me too.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
positive work attitude
great insight about handling work stress.
if we're going to die working,
we will die with our make up on.
if we're going to die working,
we will die with our make up on.
Monday, July 23, 2007
graduating from hogwarts
i was not prepared to deal with the end.
(if you haven't read harry potter and the deathly hallows, i suggest you turn off your computer RIGHT NOW and go back to the book.)
mad-eye moody
hedwig
remus lupin
nymphadora tonks
dobby
fred weasley
severus snape
peter pettigrew
cedric diggory
sirius black
albus dumbledore
i cannot imagine a world without you in it.
to harry, ron, hermione, prof. mcgonagal, hagrid, buckbeak, neville, mr & mrs weasley, tom the barman, crookshanks, peeves, nearly-headless-nick, the fat lady, diagon alley, hogsmeade, hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding world, i have no words to say how terribly i will miss you all.
the past seven years of my life have been filled with anticipation, wonder and magic.
my inner witch thanks you and, difficult as it is, says goodbye.
(if you haven't read harry potter and the deathly hallows, i suggest you turn off your computer RIGHT NOW and go back to the book.)
mad-eye moody
hedwig
remus lupin
nymphadora tonks
dobby
fred weasley
severus snape
peter pettigrew
cedric diggory
sirius black
albus dumbledore
i cannot imagine a world without you in it.
to harry, ron, hermione, prof. mcgonagal, hagrid, buckbeak, neville, mr & mrs weasley, tom the barman, crookshanks, peeves, nearly-headless-nick, the fat lady, diagon alley, hogsmeade, hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding world, i have no words to say how terribly i will miss you all.
the past seven years of my life have been filled with anticipation, wonder and magic.
my inner witch thanks you and, difficult as it is, says goodbye.
Monday, July 16, 2007
hmmmm what to wish for
i have my black dress, my lipgloss, my ice cream and my birthday candle.
what else can this 32-year old girl possibly want?
life is good. so unbelievably good.
ahhh, here's what i wish for.
i wish your life be as un-freaking-believably good as mine.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
the challenge
the gauntlet has been thrown into the ring.
the line on the sand has been drawn.
the challenge has been laid down.
nagkahamunan na.
let the joust begin.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
for the Didi in our lives
watched zsazsa zaturnnah last saturday (so hilarious! everyone must watch! homophobes excluded) and picked up a number of lessons on friendship.
(super short summary -- ada is a beauty parlor bakla who transforms into this vavavavoom zuperheroine named zsazsa zaturnnah who saves her little town from a giant palaka and a horde of sexy antagonists with crazy eyeshadow. ada/zsazsa has a best friend named didi who is what a best friend should be and more).
why everyone needs a Didi in their lives
* Didi will make you eat rocks so your inner super heroine will come out.
* Didi will dress you in a fantastic outfit that will strengthen your resolve to do good and that will highlight your physical assets
* Didi will encourage you to fly, and will peel you off the cement when you discover your wings don’t work
* Didi will take a bullet for you
* Didi will stop you from stepping on poop while strolling in the woods
* Didi will know how you truly feel for the one you love, even before you fully understand it yourself. And she will help you fall into the arms of the one you love when you are too stupid to do it yourself.
* And Did will see through your cranky, prudish, stand-offish, crochety, acerbic, bitter, negative veneer and loves you for and despite of it.
this is for all the Didis in my life. lab yu Te!
(super short summary -- ada is a beauty parlor bakla who transforms into this vavavavoom zuperheroine named zsazsa zaturnnah who saves her little town from a giant palaka and a horde of sexy antagonists with crazy eyeshadow. ada/zsazsa has a best friend named didi who is what a best friend should be and more).
why everyone needs a Didi in their lives
* Didi will make you eat rocks so your inner super heroine will come out.
* Didi will dress you in a fantastic outfit that will strengthen your resolve to do good and that will highlight your physical assets
* Didi will encourage you to fly, and will peel you off the cement when you discover your wings don’t work
* Didi will take a bullet for you
* Didi will stop you from stepping on poop while strolling in the woods
* Didi will know how you truly feel for the one you love, even before you fully understand it yourself. And she will help you fall into the arms of the one you love when you are too stupid to do it yourself.
* And Did will see through your cranky, prudish, stand-offish, crochety, acerbic, bitter, negative veneer and loves you for and despite of it.
this is for all the Didis in my life. lab yu Te!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
anim na tabo ng tubig
ano ang aking natutunan mula sa nakaraang bakasyon ng pamilya sa hundred islands sa alaminos, pangasinan?
isang bagay lamang -- na kaya maligo ng isang tao na anim na tabo ng tubig lang ang ginagamit.
nitong nakaraang linggo, nagbakasyon ang pamilya sa pinoy big brother house sa governors island sa pangasinan. cute ang bahay ni kuya sa hundred islands -- may dalawang kwarto na puno ng double-decker na kama. konting hakbang lang, pwede nang mag-snorkel.
may isang sabit -- walang kuryente. at mula alas sais ng gabi hanggang alas sais ng umaga lang tumatakbo ang generator.
isa pang sabit -- ang tubig na nasa tangke ay sapat sa pagligo ng 15 katamtamang-laking tao lamang. at ang pamilya namin ay binubuo ng 25 malalaking tao. hindi sapat ang tubig sa tangke para maligo nang mahusay kaming lahat.
ang solusyon? tig-anim lang na tabo ng tubig ang pampaligo bawat tao. sa pag-uwi na lang maliligo nang lubusan.
paano maligo nang matiwasay na anim na tabo lang ang gagamitin? eto ang mga payo ng pamilya
ninin -- dahan-dahan ang pagbuhos ng tubig.
mommy -- konting shampoo lang ang gamitin.
odette -- tanggalin ang lahat ng sobrang shampoo bago magbanlaw
aunti didit -- pwedeng hindi na sabunin ang binti
tuton -- umupo habang nagbubuhos ng tubig
jong -- kunin ang anim na tabong tubig ng mga taong hindi maliligo, para madagdagan ang iyong rasyon ng tubig
masarap at madami ang pagkain, maganda at malapit ang dagat, at kasama ang maiingay at nakakatawang kapamilya. sinong may kailangang maligo?
isang bagay lamang -- na kaya maligo ng isang tao na anim na tabo ng tubig lang ang ginagamit.
nitong nakaraang linggo, nagbakasyon ang pamilya sa pinoy big brother house sa governors island sa pangasinan. cute ang bahay ni kuya sa hundred islands -- may dalawang kwarto na puno ng double-decker na kama. konting hakbang lang, pwede nang mag-snorkel.
may isang sabit -- walang kuryente. at mula alas sais ng gabi hanggang alas sais ng umaga lang tumatakbo ang generator.
isa pang sabit -- ang tubig na nasa tangke ay sapat sa pagligo ng 15 katamtamang-laking tao lamang. at ang pamilya namin ay binubuo ng 25 malalaking tao. hindi sapat ang tubig sa tangke para maligo nang mahusay kaming lahat.
ang solusyon? tig-anim lang na tabo ng tubig ang pampaligo bawat tao. sa pag-uwi na lang maliligo nang lubusan.
paano maligo nang matiwasay na anim na tabo lang ang gagamitin? eto ang mga payo ng pamilya
ninin -- dahan-dahan ang pagbuhos ng tubig.
mommy -- konting shampoo lang ang gamitin.
odette -- tanggalin ang lahat ng sobrang shampoo bago magbanlaw
aunti didit -- pwedeng hindi na sabunin ang binti
tuton -- umupo habang nagbubuhos ng tubig
jong -- kunin ang anim na tabong tubig ng mga taong hindi maliligo, para madagdagan ang iyong rasyon ng tubig
masarap at madami ang pagkain, maganda at malapit ang dagat, at kasama ang maiingay at nakakatawang kapamilya. sinong may kailangang maligo?
Friday, May 25, 2007
babypink
the friends you make in high school are the friends you keep for life.
they are the people
who made the horrors of puberty bearable,
who held your hair back after you barfed from your first drinking binge,
who listened to the blow-by-blow of each conversation you had with your high school crush,
who gave your phone number to the cute guy at the soiree who was too shy to ask for it himself,
who lent you hairspray when yours ran out,
who went to your debut and gladly danced in your cotillon de honor when they really don't dance,
who gave you mixed tapes of the beach boys, mike francis, and fra lippo lippi even when it wasn't your birthday,
who cried with you when the boy you loved for eight years fell out of love with you.
they eventually grow up and become married women and transform into these shimmering, lustrous, magical creatures called mothers.
who give birth to an amazing baby boy named gabriel, who even inside the womb, had a big naughty grin on his face.
Gabriel
who looks just like his mother
who is the first pamangkin of the sisterhood that is my high school barkada
who will be showered with good thoughts and blessings from his four favorite aunties, none of whom have met him yet
who is the most loved little baby boy in the world.
to my babypink sisters, carol crissy liza mayose, you are the loves of my life, and have been for the past 20 years. i don't get to tell you that too often, but you are.
to first nephew baby gabriel, auntie wissa sends you big hugs and kisses and will teach you to dance the roger rabbit and the running man.
they are the people
who made the horrors of puberty bearable,
who held your hair back after you barfed from your first drinking binge,
who listened to the blow-by-blow of each conversation you had with your high school crush,
who gave your phone number to the cute guy at the soiree who was too shy to ask for it himself,
who lent you hairspray when yours ran out,
who went to your debut and gladly danced in your cotillon de honor when they really don't dance,
who gave you mixed tapes of the beach boys, mike francis, and fra lippo lippi even when it wasn't your birthday,
who cried with you when the boy you loved for eight years fell out of love with you.
they eventually grow up and become married women and transform into these shimmering, lustrous, magical creatures called mothers.
who give birth to an amazing baby boy named gabriel, who even inside the womb, had a big naughty grin on his face.
Gabriel
who looks just like his mother
who is the first pamangkin of the sisterhood that is my high school barkada
who will be showered with good thoughts and blessings from his four favorite aunties, none of whom have met him yet
who is the most loved little baby boy in the world.
to my babypink sisters, carol crissy liza mayose, you are the loves of my life, and have been for the past 20 years. i don't get to tell you that too often, but you are.
to first nephew baby gabriel, auntie wissa sends you big hugs and kisses and will teach you to dance the roger rabbit and the running man.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
priceless
sony psp -- P14,500
cost to fedex the psp to glasgow, scotland -- P2,500
text from my kuya saying "uuy, thank you. Thank you. Got my PSP today. Mukhang mapupuyat ako this weekend :) " -- best P17,000 investment in the world.
cost to fedex the psp to glasgow, scotland -- P2,500
text from my kuya saying "uuy, thank you. Thank you. Got my PSP today. Mukhang mapupuyat ako this weekend :) " -- best P17,000 investment in the world.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
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